We met Dennis on the street near our house . We saw him frequently, both separately and then finally together one day. We couldn’t figure out
why he was always on the street when he clearly should have been in school. The
third term of the school year was in full swing and here he was, looking forlorn,
clearly not well fed, dirty and always alone, and was usually struggling to
carry some heavy object, like a large water or milk container. We knew by then
that primary school is mandatory so it didn’t jibe. He was also curious about
us, and particularly about Liam, as he always asked me about ‘my boy’ and
wondered where he was in school (this was when Liam was enrolled in the Kenyan
school, his first term).He was friendly, polite, and had a sweet smile.
Although Michael and I weren’t spending much time focusing on
understanding Dennis’ situation, partly
because we were confused about many things that we were encountering, our
curiosity was heightened one day when we ran into him while walking together.
We began to greet him but he suddenly ran away like a scared rabbit, no
doubt because I asked him one too many
questions. After briefly discussing our
individual “takes” on Dennis’ situation, we began talking about what we might
do to help him out. He should be in school, we agreed, because otherwise he was
just going to end up living in the streets or worse. We weren’t aware, yet, of
his familial situation, so we needed to do some investigating.
The next time one of us saw him, we invited him to come to
our house for dinner one evening. He came, happily, with a large hunger and a
lot of woes. We found out that evening that not only was he not getting enough
to eat, he was usually left alone by his grandfather, whom he lives with,
because his grandfather often goes to Nairobi, driving for a local businessman.
Although Dennis has a family, his relations with them at that point seemed to be tattered, and he was having trouble figuring out how to take care of
himself which was what he seemed to be expected to do. He was 11. Unfortunately, Dennis had been
chased out of his mother’s house six months or so before we met him because his
“stepfather’ did not like him around. Why was he not in school? Grandfather has
a lot of his own children and several wives, apparently, and cannot afford to
send him to school. For the perennially impoverished, school here is quite
expensive. Even public school requires that you buy a uniform and books every
year, which is impossible for a lot of folks. So, Dennis, it appeared, because
his father had left when he was a baby, and his mother’s family was not willing
to take him in, seemed to be the “odd man out.” We were and still are befuddled
by this situation but it has proven to be true many times this past year.
That night, overtired
and dirty, Dennis ate voraciously, tried to explain his situation to us in his
broken English, and was on the verge of tears most of the evening, genuinely
unhappy with his current situation as the kid that no one in his family wanted.
Needless to say, albeit, wary not to interfere too much, we were motivated to
try to change his situation a bit. We
were impressed both by his sincerity, his motivation to go to school and that
he had not actually gone down a different path, which could have been much
worse.
Often the combination
of poverty, overlarge families, and no societal safety nets pushes kids away
from families and into the streets where they can find community(other street kids), food (they
dig through the garbage mostly or get waste from restaurants), sometimes
avoiding aggressive and unpleasant adult behavior at home. We had already knew a bit about the street kid situation in Eldoret through our involvement at Tumaini
Drop In Center so we could sense how close Dennis had come to going that
direction. Having avoided that, he had shown some self preservation skills,
anyway.
Any uncertainty about
helping Dennis was washed away after speaking to his
grandfather. Grandfather was not showing much capacity to care for him nor
interest, for that matter. He was using him as a mule, to haul water and get
him stuff, yet not providing for him when he left town. Soon Dennis began hanging
around our house a lot, mostly for meals, and then he would go back to his
grandfather’s shack. Over time his stays here became longer and longer. Needless to say, he loved the attention, the
food, the clean bathroom and hot shower, and having a “big brother” in Liam to
play with.
Suddenly one week, he stopped coming. I began to get worried
but since we didn’t completely understand his home life we did not pursue it
for the first few days of his absence. Towards the end of that school week he
reappeared, wearing a very tattered school uniform, seams badly sewn, hems
ratty, patches here and there, but a uniform nonetheless. I asked him what was up and he tried to
explain to me that he had been walking to the next town, where he had been in
school the term before, to take the final exams. I was NOT able to comprehend
what the heck was going on. How could he take the exams if he hadn’t been in
school all term? It made no sense to me. Plus he was walking at least 6 miles each
morning to and back each afternoon, ON AN EMPTY STOMACH to get to the school.
Grandfather, apparently, had procured the beat up uniform and forced him to go
to prove that he was in school because you can get arrested for not sending
your kids to school! I found out from a Kenyan friend that some people send
kids just for exams so they won’t get in trouble for not having them enrolled
in school. I left that discussion,
feeling angry, sad, and completely unnerved. The value of an education here cannot be
overstated. It is, in fact, the only way out of grinding poverty and everyone
is striving for it, although many are not attaining it. No matter how we view
the “system” it is greatly valued by the Kenyans who perceive it as over expensive, required, highly respected,
and very difficult for families of little means.
The end of the term was nearing and upon the advice of some
other Kenyan friends, we asked Grandfather if we could provide Dennis with
schooling next term. Of course he accepted. We went with our Swahili teacher
and met with his mother in her garbage strewn neighborhood in Milenne, a slum
outside of Eldoret, to let her know of our intentions. We caused quite a
spectacle that day and although he was taunted by the neighborhood drunk,
Dennis stood strong and proud and introduced us to his mother, promised to work
hard, spoke clearly about his desire to learn and get back in school, and his
mother gave us her blessings while crying and bemoaning her situation and the
fact that she is unable to care for her children well (there are at least 6
others all younger than Dennis). We left that meeting feeling discouraged and a
bit helpless although buoyed by the notion that at least we might be able to
get Dennis onto a better track.
We enrolled him at the Lions School which is right down the
street from us because I knew he had a lot of gaps in his education and that he
would need monitoring and help learning how to study.
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Dennis' 12th Birthday Nov. 2013. First birthday cake and presents! |
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with Jeannette and Liam Feb. 2013 |
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Making a cake with Liam early 2013 |
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with Nick and Liam July 2013 |
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first day of school Jan. 2013 |
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MG's birthday Nov. 2013 |
The local public school was
an option but I had heard enough about the classes with 80+ students in them
that I really wanted to get him going in a place that would be supportive and
where he could get some much needed attention.
The day we went to get Dennis’ stuff for school was the day
he thought he’d won the lottery. He was
practically floating he was so excited. He needed all of the essentials for his
uniform: socks, black shoes, Lions
School sweater, two pairs of grey shorts, white shirts, and Lions School tie.
He also needed a “sports suit” which oddly is not the same color as the Lions
School colors. After we purchased all that, he carried the big overfull plastic
bag across the street as we headed to the School Depot where the books and
school supplies are sold. I looked over at him noting to myself that he had
probably NEVER had anything new and his own in his whole life! “Are you happy?”
I asked. With a broad smile, the likes of which I’d never seen, he said “I’m as
happy as a king!” Seeing him so happy brought tears to my eyes. We headed to the school supply store and got
all his books, notebooks, pens, erasures, etc. At the end as we checked out and
the salesperson loaded them into a box, he said to Liam, “these are for you.“
“No man, these are for you!” Liam said, smiling at him. “I’m not in Standard 5!
You are!” I don’t think he could believe it. After all the years of not getting
what he needed, he was suddenly getting it all.
Dennis has been at
the Lions School for a full school year now. He has been in Standard 5 because
of the gaps. The system here is not designed for any but those who can read,
write and regurgitate information. Often the teachers just write notes on the
board and the students must copy. At first I was not really aware of these
issues and did not follow his work too closely, but after he bombed the first
set of exams (there are 3 sets per term and then they are averaged. No other
grades…no grades for homework, no participation, and no grades quizzes) I
realized that he really had very little idea of how to study and how this
program works. So, during the term break, we studied. His math skills were very
weak as was his reading. I am no mathematics whiz, but I do know that knowing
your multiplication tables at the age of 12, especially if you are going to be tested all the time, is essential to success!
Now we are at the end of that first school year. I can’t say
it has gone completely smoothly, but Dennis’ schoolwork has improved, he
continues to try hard, continues to get to school every morning after coming
here to dress and eat breakfast, and he studies here and has dinner with us
most nights. His family situation has deteriorated even more, with his
grandfather disappearing for weeks at a time and leaving him with nothing to
eat and no funds. About midway through the school year we realized that we had
committed ourselves to Dennis for some time. It seems to be somewhat standard
that if you decide to help a kid by sending him/her to school, you actually are
taking on all his problems and it makes it very difficult to disengage from his
family. We have had several “moments” with Dennis’ mother which have been
difficult and unpleasant, we have been conflicted about the entire situation, and
we have had issues (relatively minor) with Dennis’ behavior from time to
time. His being a preteen who has had little to no
guidance plays a role in his behavior, but in general it’s gone well and Dennis
has thrived. He’s bigger, stronger, more secure, smarter, more articulate, and
a better student overall than he was last December. He actually may have a chance of getting out
of his family’s never ending cycle of poverty and dysfunction.
We decided early on this year that what Dennis really needs
is a safe and secure home where other adults are paying attention to him,
especially since we will not be here forever. He really has nowhere to be
during the school holidays, despite the fact that his mother has family. We
have tried to encourage her to find a place for him to be. We have found a
boarding school for him that is out in the country, seems to be well run, and
where the adults seem genuinely interested in the welfare of the children. We
took him there the other day and although he was hesitant about certain aspects
(he’s had his own private hot shower in our house for one, and he loves to eat,
for two), I think he realizes that this is a good opportunity for him, and
probably the best way for him to succeed in school. The idea of more friends and
other adults in his life is motivating as well. We are keeping our fingers
crossed that it is the right solution. Dennis has just turned 13 and he is like
a whole new person in a lot of ways. He has grown a lot, his English has
improved enormously and he is more self confident and becoming more
conversational. He still eats like he has been starving but his manners and his behavioral issues have greatly improved. He
has a good understanding of how important it is for him to do well in school.
He can now see the possibilities of having an education and what that can do
for you here. All we can do at this
point is get him prepared to go and hope that it is a good solution.
It’s been a bumpy year, one in which we’ve learned a lot
about the enormity of
taking
on a kid whose situation is so out of our
“normal” and what a challenge that can be. There have been many moments of
frustration, sadness, anger and even some tears, but I will guarantee you that
if Dennis succeeds in school these next two years and makes it through to HS,
it will have all been worthwhile.
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Dennis' 13th birthday Nov. 2013 |
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Dennis looking at new shoes he received for Birthday. |